Blind Squirrels Read online

  At the beginning of February, Rick came back from his sea cruise. Rebecca and Birdie had long ago moved back in with us, but now the true end was in sight. Rick had to be in Norfolk, Virginia before March, and he planned to take his family with him. They left during the last week of February. On April1st, their new little baby, Carl, was born in Norfolk. You can’t imagine how happy we all were that it didn’t happen in Foster’s Bank.

  The school year was accelerating rapidly. My grades were better than average, and, when it came time for registration, I tried to select classes that might peak my interest. I had determined that I wouldn’t take another year of French, and I chose to take Physics and Algebra II, although neither were requirements. As my interest in writing continued to intensify, I also registered for Journalism. American History was a requirement, along with English. For my final elective, I chose Accounting because it involved math. All of my friends laughed at my selections, but I knew what my interests were.

  After Easter and Spring Break, the approach of another Bons Copains party – this time at Max’s house –mollified me in the long weeks before school’s end. Sam and a number of other members were not planning to go for one reason or another, but Sunny and I were going to be there – even if we were the only guests. I could hardly contain my excitement, and I intended to have a good time. I even swore that I wouldn’t drink any beer so I would be able to remember every detail.

  In the time since Christmas vacation, I had been learning to control my desires for Max. I talked of him less frequently, and even some of my closer friends began to believe that I was over him. At times, I think Max believed it, too. On occasion, he fully tried to get my attention, but I would pretend to ignore him. Only Olivia and Aurelia knew that I still loved Max, and they could keep my secret.

  On the night of the party, I put on my favorite Elton John T-shirt and a pair of Levi’s. Sunny called to say she would meet me outside Max’s at seven. I applied my makeup while I listened to “Crocodile Rock,” and I started feeling melancholy. Part of me knew that tonight was my last chance. Max would soon be graduating, and I might never see him again. Imagine how that would ruin my plans!

  As I left for Max’s house, the sun was still glowing, but the moon was already visible. I scanned the sky for a star – I desperately needed a wish come true – but there were none in sight. Entering Max’s yard, I steeled myself – I couldn’t afford to let nerves ruin the biggest night of my life. Sunny was waiting in the yard, and we entered the house together.

  Ten people – including Sunny and me – came to the party. I didn’t know all of our newest members, and I wondered if all the people present were really part of Bons Copains. Matt Bruin and his girlfriend Linda Spivey were making out in one corner, Phil Avis and Kevin Cone were discussing sports over their beers in the kitchen, and Cherry Trinity and Bev Corley were gossiping in the living room. Two people – a boy and a girl – I didn’t recognize were looking through albums on the floor. Max was setting up a card table for the snacks and drinks. Sunny and I, the last to arrive, helped Max get his refreshment area set up.

  Max offered us beers, but Sunny and I took Hawaiian Punch instead. Everyone moved into the living room, and Max put on some music. Some people started dancing while the rest of us just sat around talking. Sunny and I sat on the floor across the room from Max and the stereo. If Sunny hadn’t been there, the night might have been boring, but her incessant talking gave me something to do.

  At around nine o’clock, someone turned out all the lights in the house. Sunny and I watched as everyone paired up and began dancing. The only ones not dancing were Sunny, Max, and me. A little later, Max put on a different album and then he pulled his chair closer to our side of the room. The album was Elton John’s “Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only the Piano Player”; the first song was “Daniel,” my favorite. Sunny leaned over and elbowed me.

  “KK, Max is staring at you.”

  I glanced over at Max, but I couldn’t tell where his eyes were. “Why would he be staring at me?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he’s going to ask you to dance.”

  The songs kept playing. “Teacher I Need You,” “Elderberry Wine,” and “Blues for Baby and Me.”

  I felt Sunny’s elbow again. “He’s staring again. Look at him. I think he likes you.”

  Maybe I had had too many disappointments, or maybe I was being a realist for once in my life. Whatever the reason, I refused to believe that Max was watching me. “I don’t think so.”

  At ten thirty, the album ended, and Max got up to turn it over. Matt and Linda walked over to him.

  “Great party, Bro,” Matt said, “but I gotta get Linda home. See ya!”

  Cherry, Bev, Kevin, and the guy I didn’t know decided to leave as well. The party was down to four plus Max.

  As side two of the album played, Sunny kept reminding me that Max was watching. I kept ignoring her. “Crocodile Rock” ended, and I knew there was only one song left on the album, “High Flying Bird.” Max sat on the floor almost right in front of me. Even with my lousy night vision, I could now see that Max was staring at me. Not only that, but he was singing. He was singing a love song while looking straight at me! I became flabbergasted and confused. I couldn’t move or speak.

  Not so Sunny. I was certain that Max and everyone else heard her, and her elbow was creating a permanent indentation in my right arm as she pounded it relentlessly. “KK, he’s singing to you! Can you believe it? He’s actually singing that song to you! Look, look!”

  “Shut up,” I said – vehemently but quietly.

  He never took his eyes off me until the end of the song. After that, he quickly stood up and changed the album to the Rolling Stones “Sticky Fingers.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I suddenly knew I had to leave. I didn’t know why Max was singing to me, but I was afraid that it was some kind of joke.

  “Sunny, I have to go. I’m supposed to be home by eleven.”

  Sunny stood up with me. “Is it that late? My mom is probably here.”

  Sure enough, her mother pulled into the yard right at that moment. Max came over to tell her goodbye.

  “I enjoyed it, Max. Thanks.” Then she looked at me, “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  Sunny bounded out the door and into her mom’s car. I stood in the entrance watching them drive away. I suddenly realized that Max was beside me.

  “You don’t have to leave, do you?” he asked.

  “Is it eleven yet?” I countered.

  Using only the moonlight, he looked at his watch. “It’s about five till,” he said.

  He was standing close; I could feel his arm brushing against mine. For the longest time, we stood there alone in the doorway without speaking. I finally turned and looked up into his face. I wasn’t sure what I saw there.

  “I guess I should go,” I broke the silence, and – it seemed – the spell.

  I opened the door to go outside. He followed me into the yard.

  “Will you be okay? I can walk with you if you like,” then suddenly, the desire left his voice – either he remembered that he had guests or that this was Kat, I’m not sure which. “Oh, um...people...inside. I mean...I’ll still walk with you if you want me to.”

  At least he’d been mine for one moment. “That’s okay, Max. I’ll be fine; I’m not afraid. I’ll see you later – at school.”

  I turned away, and he said nothing more. I looked back a couple of times and he was still standing there, watching me walk away. I wondered if he was regretting anything, but I’d never know. Tears filled my eyes. By the time I got home, I was bawling. Lucky for me, my parents were out for the evening.

  Safe in my bed, I dreamed of my future with Max. Then I fell asleep.

  Chapter 11

  “You never told me about that before,” Olivia said. “Are you sure that’s the way it happened?”

  “Olivia, you never joined Bons Copains in the tenth grade. I guess we were juniors when you got that crush on Pet
e.”

  “Changing the subject? You used to never change it when we were talking about Max. That was your favorite topic.”

  “I’m a little bit older now. Besides, we’re talking about you and Pete.”

  “It was eleventh grade. I’m sure of it. We were old enough to drive, remember?”

  “How many times a day did we cruise by Pete’s house?” I raised my right eyebrow.

  “Pete is in the past; let’s leave him there,” Olivia said. “Any way, is there anything else you haven’t told me about Max?”

  “The story ends right about there. Of course there was that meeting when we elected officials for the next year.”

  “That’s when you became head of the Membership Committee.”

  “I wasn’t the head of the committee. I was just a member. No one paid me any attention.”

  “That’s not true. You were pretty popular in that club – whether you believe it or not. At least you had a lot of friends.”

  “They weren’t really my friends. Just acquaintances. But that’s okay. It was a long time ago.” I could still feel some of the anguish nonetheless.

  “I remember you got Max to sign your yearbook without any problem that year. He wrote more than in ninth grade, too. Do you think he ever really liked you, Kat? Don’t you think that he might have been making fun of you? I’m not trying to hurt you; I just don’t want you to romanticize things that happened a long time ago and get yourself into a depression. He’s not worth it. Not then and certainly not now.”

  “You know, Olivia, I’ve asked myself that question a thousand times. And I’m not any closer to answering it than I was twenty years ago. I have to believe that one day I’ll be able to let the whole thing go.”

  “I thought you had...what set you back?”

  “I’ve seen him. Three times this week.”

  “Where? Did you talk to him? Tell me about it, Kat,” Olivia said excitedly.

  “He was in Hurricane Gardens. He saw me, but he didn’t recognize me. There was something odd about him. He seemed depressed or troubled. I felt sorry for him.” I could still see his tormented face.

  “I’ve seen him, too. Not at the garden, I mean. I saw him in our office. This was several months ago...”

  “You saw him...and you didn’t tell me?” I was indignant.

  “I thought it was best. I know how you get. Anyway, did you get a good look at him, Kat? He’s changed quite a bit.”

  “How? Sure he’s older – so are we.”

  “Kat! He’s...he’s... Let’s be brutally honest here. He’s ugly. Of course, he was ugly in high school, too. I never could figure out what you saw in him.” Olivia was always critical about Max. We just didn’t see him the same way.

  “I’ll admit that he’s no George Clooney, but he’s still Max – no matter how he looks. And I still care about him.”

  “No George Clooney, no George Jones...shoot, George and Kramer on Seinfeld outclass Max. Let me explain – Max could appear in any horror movie without the aid of makeup.” Olivia giggled at her wit.

  “Okay, okay. I know you think Max is hideous. We never did share an interest in the same type of men. That’s why we’ll always be friends. A man will never come between us. And it helps that I know how to ignore your digs against my men.”

  “I never knocked Ben, but I never knew him that well either. So go ahead, make some pot shots at Pete. He’s gained a few pounds and you never liked him much. Go ahead. Let me have it.”

  “Um...he’s not your boyfriend or crush anymore.” I said. “Besides, what would I say? He’s just not my type.” I had always found it difficult to make fun of Olivia’s men. I never thought Pete was anything to look at, but many girls did, including Olivia. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I wasn’t going to change her picture of Pete even if I did kid her about his size and his ridiculous haircut. And she wasn’t going to change my view of Max either.

  “Ouch,” Olivia joked. “You really know how to hurt a person.” She suddenly jumped up and grabbed her purse. “I’d love to sit around reminiscing all day, but I’ve got things to do. How are you spending your Saturday?”

  “I’m not sure, but something will come up. It always does.”

  “Well, see you later. Keep me posted on Max, and I’ll let you know about Lee. Somehow, I think I will be the one with more to tell...Max always lets me down.”

  As I waved goodbye to Olivia, I couldn’t stop thinking that it was me he always let down.

  Brad called later to ask why I had left so abruptly the night before. We chatted for about an hour, and I told him about Olivia’s new romance with Lee. Brad told me I sounded blue, and he wanted to come over. I convinced him that I was fine, and I let him think I had plans for the rest of the weekend. After we hung up, I noticed that I was feeling blue, and I decided to get out of the house.

  I almost got into my car, but I changed my mind when I realized that I would probably drive back to my old neighborhood. I decided to take a walk instead. My niece Bridgett lived about a mile away from me, so I thought I might pay her a visit.

  The dogwoods were in full bloom, and almost every house had at least one growing in the yard. Most of them were white, but occasionally I would glimpse a pink one. They reminded me of my mother who had several dogwoods in her yard. Perhaps I would look in on her later. Even though we talked on the phone every day, I hadn’t seen her in weeks. This was her favorite time of year, and she would be outside planting her small garden and a variety of flowers. I definitely needed to go see her.

  Bridgett’s small white house was in view, and I could see through the chain link fence that Ginger, her two-year old, was playing in the front yard. Bridgett was sitting on the front porch swing with little Brucie, her youngest, on her lap. She stood up and waved as she saw me approaching. Brucie climbed down her leg and scurried out into the yard. He wasn’t even crawling the last time I visited. I felt ashamed that I didn’t drop by more often, especially when they lived so close to me.

  Bridgett was updating me on all the family gossip. She had heard from her little brother Carl. Carl would soon be graduating from a small college in Virginia. Bridgett never could get the name of the school straight, so I didn’t bother to ask today. She was very excited that Carl was going to get his degree, and she was sure he’d go on to become the president of Wal-Mart or something. I didn’t bother Bridgett with the details of how someone actually gets to be in charge of Wal-Mart and other large companies. She was proud of her brother and I didn’t want to spoil that. Heck, I was proud of him too.

  A lot of things had happened with my brother’s family after they moved away from my parents’ home and became independent. A year after Carl was born, Rebecca lost a set of twins. She was devastated and she soon turned to alcohol hoping it would relieve her pain. She eventually became an alcoholic, and my brother considered ending their marriage. Losing Rick was a sobering thought for Rebecca, and she gave up alcohol and started attending AA meetings. Their marriage seemed stronger than ever, but around the time Carl turned seven, Rick asked Rebecca for a divorce. He told my parents that Rebecca had become involved with several men around the Navy base, and he just couldn’t stand the ridicule any longer. Rick allowed Rebecca to keep custody of Bridgett and Carl even though everyone else thought it was a bad idea. Rebecca started drinking again and staying out late every night. One night she left the kids with a neighbor, and then she just disappeared. She never came back and no one, not even her mother, was ever able to locate her again.

  A couple of years after that, Rick married a woman named Sharon. Sharon had a daughter, Betsy, who was the same age as Carl. Sharon was a godsend. She became the mother Bridgett and Carl never had. She loved them as dearly as she loved Betsy.

  In time, Bridgett had met and married Kip Carter. Kip was a personable young man even if he wasn’t extremely handsome. Kip’s father owned a shrimp boat, the Mary-Kate, and Kip was a deckhand. As an only son, one day Kip would own the boat, but for n
ow he made a good living for his family. Kip and Bridgett had three children, the aforementioned Ginger and Brucie, as well as a five year old boy named Richard, named for my brother Rick.

  Bridgett spoke fondly of her mom and dad. Rick was now retired from the Navy, and he and Sharon were living in Colorado Springs. Rick had found a job with a military contractor there, and they had decided to make Colorado their home. I knew Bridgett missed them, but she was overjoyed that her dad was finally enjoying life after so many years of grief.

  Betsy, Bridgett’s step-sister, was also living in Colorado Springs. She was attending a community college and hoping to become a teacher. She and Bridgett kept in touch, but Betsy was much closer to Carl than she was to Bridgett.

  Bridgett never mentioned Rebecca. No one had seen or heard from her in so many years that it was easy for me to completely forget about her. But I knew that deep-down, Bridgett and Carl still thought about Rebecca and wondered what had happened to her. She was their mother after all.

  After playing with Richard and Ginger for a while and holding Brucie as long as he would let me, I told Bridgett that I should go. I told her to go visit Grammy – my mom – whenever she could, and I promised to drop by more often. She reminded me that Ginger would be turning three in only two weeks, and I told her I would stop in for the party. We hugged and said goodbye, and I began the walk back to my apartment.

  Coming into my apartment complex, I noticed Olivia’s red Cavalier parked next to my Accord. I turned towards the apartment building, and Olivia was walking towards me. It was more of a run than a walk.